9th Step Amends Common Mistakes & How To Make Amends

Expressing genuine remorse and even regret for the pain caused is a key element. I don’t call him to see how his meeting went this week or what step he’s on. If he specifically asks for my opinion, which he doesn’t, I will give it. Before Step 9, one completes the Step 8 inventory, listing people they’ve harmed and developing a willingness to make amends.

Step Nine: Making Amends in Recovery

Some people may not be ready to accept your amends, forgive you, or move on. It can feel disappointing or frustrating to have your offer of reconciliation be rejected. If this happens, remember the purpose of making amends was accepting responsibility and offering to right a wrong.

Don’t settle for an apology.

Living amends represent the long-term actions you will take to remain committed to recovery. Sometimes, you may not have the opportunity to make direct amends to the person you harmed. Perhaps the person is no longer living, or you no longer have contact with them and reestablishing contact would cause more harm.

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• Recovery support groups can offer significant help for those facing challenges in making amends.
• So be sure to talk with your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support.
• For example, one might consider making indirect amends when the harmed person is deceased or contact would cause further harm.
• It requires good judgment to navigate the intricacies of making restitution with a sense of responsibility and sensitivity to avoid causing further damage, lest we make the wreckage of the past worse.

Unlike apologizing, making amends involves acknowledging the hurt, amending your behavior (demonstrating changes through action), and righting a wrong. Remember that the decision of whom to make amends to should be made thoughtfully, and it’s advisable to consult with a sponsor, therapist, or support group members to ensure your approach is appropriate. The goal is not only to seek forgiveness but also to promote healing, reconciliation, and personal growth for both you and the individuals involved. It’s essential to be thoughtful and considerate in your approach. Before completing step nine, the recovering alcoholic needs to be ready to deliver their message with the best intentions, not motivated by false expectations.

• As “righting a wrong” can be subjective, part of your goal of making amends is to determine what will be needed to help the situation with each person.
• In doing so, you promise to live a sober and honest life and never return to your old ways of lying and hurting the people you love the most.
• The goal of this step is to find freedom by cleaning up the past to live peacefully in the present.
• For example, Dr. Bob, one of the original founders of the AA program, could not stay sober until he went around town and made amends to all those he had hurt.

Understanding AA Step 9

• Yes, we partake in the process to “clean up our side of the street,” but we do not make amends to clear our conscience or undo our feelings of guilt.
• Thorough preparation ensures your actions align with your intentions and positively contribute to your recovery journey and the relationships you are trying to mend.
• Taking these actions helps us to separate ourselves from the disease of addiction.
• Each step presents challenges that encourage change in mindset and behavior.

Or because of my drug use I ….” have no place in this process. Of course, others in our lives had negative behaviors or unhealthy ways of responding to addiction but that has nothing to do with us making amends for our own behaviors. You will lessen the impact of your amends if you water it down with excuses and external blame. It is equally important that you genuinely stop and listen to the other person. Even if you want to justly or correct, allow them the right to express their experiences, feelings and thoughts about the harm.

• Unfortunately, this scenario plays out much too often in the lives of people who didn’t get a chance to correct their mistakes and past behaviors in time.
• What they all have in common, is a sense that life is improving and the addict is regaining control.
• An effective acknowledgment is free from excuses, focusing solely on the harm caused rather than attempting to justify the behavior that led to it.
• An example of Step 9 amends is when someone in recovery apologizes for stealing and then makes it right by returning the stolen property.
• Repairing previous harm also assists in helping you rebuild important relationships which may have been impacted by addiction.

Instead, as you pursue a life in recovery, focus on being generous with your time and giving back to others. In this way, you can take the focus off of yourself and choose to live a life of greater meaning. Your donation will provide a scholarship to someone in recovery, supporting them through the first few months of sober living in one of our partner organizations. For every time you said you’d be there or that you’d help someone do something and didn’t show up, you’ve left an impression upon that person that they can’t rely on you to keep your word. You can start making amends by showing up, even if it’s years later, to do the things you said you’d do. These promises are often the most difficult to keep because addiction plays a decisive role in a person’s ability to live up to their promises.

It encourages thoughtful and responsible actions in the process of making amends. Living amends involve this daily dedication to avoiding new wrongdoings as evidence of growth. The process of making amends can pose challenges and often trigger fears and anxieties. But remember, being intentional and realistic is a drug addiction treatment big part of making impulsive promises or actions.

Undoubtedly, you, too, have a list of ways in which you want to live out your living amends, and that’s great! The more personalized your lifestyle changes are, the more they’re going to resonate and stick with you. Living amends refers to the ways in which you change how you live your life in recovery or “walking our talk.” These changes affirm your commitment to the direct or symbolic amends you made with others.

If you have a reaction to their living amends feedback, pause and just listen then share your thoughts about this with your support system, therapist or sponsor. An important element of step nine is that those in recovery have already begun making amends to themselves by changing some of their behaviors, attitudes, and beliefs. The goal of this step is to find freedom by cleaning up the past to live peacefully in the present.